Happy Valentine’s day, lovelies! I thought I’d put a little spin on the classic all about love Valentine’s day blog and, instead, help the men in our lives better understand us. The following is meant to prevent fine young gentlemen from falling victim to the classic male blunder of taking what your lady says at face value.
We know, just as well as you do, that women are complicated creatures. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Move on. The next time you’re having a chat and she says one of the following things, quell the urge to accept that she means what she says and, by jove! Think! And for goodness sake, whatever you do, do not call her crazy!
1. I’m fine.
Translation: I’m. So. Mad. But before I tell you this, I need you to ask me if I’m okay at least 12 times. And even then I might not tell you because I’m mad and I want to stay mad for a little while.
To be fair, we’re not trying to be disingenuous, we say it because we want to be fine. Usually we’re working through our anger and trying to talk ourselves off the ledge. We don’t want to be upset but we can’t help it. And usually, by the time we’re claiming to be fine, we’re ready for a fight. So, if we say we’re fine, run. Fast. Or be prepared for a brawl.
2. I don’t care.
(This may also sound like “whatever” or “do whatever you want”)
Translation: I care. A lot. So much! And if you continue to do that which pisses me off, then I will hurt you.
Women always care. It doesn’t matter how nonchalantly we proclaim we don’t or how much we say that it’s “whatever.” We do and it’s not.
Here’s the thing, we don’t want to be the bad guy. And when we have to tell you that you can’t do something or that we’d rather you didn’t, we always feel badly. So, we say we don’t care in hopes that you’ll change your mind. Also, because we hope that eventually we won’t actually care.
3. Don’t worry about it.
Translation: Unless you plan on remedying this situation with
gifts cuddles wine, you should probably start worrying immediately.
If we’re telling you not to worry about something, it’s because we’ve been worrying about it and we’re annoyed that you haven’t even given it a second thought. This statement is meant to inspire you to start worrying about it. And if you choose not to, well, if that’s what you think is best…
4. If that’s what you think is best.
Translation: (per Becca Marshall) You better check yourself before you wreck yourself (boy).
Listen, you might think you know what you’re doing and you might think that thing you’re doing is right, but it’s probably not. So, stop doing it. Since we have faith in our men, we say this to allow them the opportunity to change their minds and figure out that their decision is all wrong, and to come to terms with a different decision.
Translation: Nope, definitely not. I don’t even know why you bothered asking.
No explanation necessary.
Listen, you’re never truly going to understand women, but hopefully, this will help. The important thing is that you continue trying and making her feel as though you really do understand. And if all else fails try saying something like, “I completely understand where you’re coming from. I love you and I’ll try to do better.”
A bottle of wine will probably fix it too.