Michelle Underwood

Current destination: Port of Kimberling (Branson), Missouri

Next stop: Keller, Texas

Mood: Happy (except for when our sunburns sting and we didn’t get a nap in)

We did it! We survived the first trip in the camper! Or rather, we’re surviving the first trip. After a rather hectic start – a blown tire, some serious damage, an insurance claim, and quite a bit of cursing – we finally got on the road to Missouri. Our first night in the camper was a success, meaning the air blew cold and the kids slept hard; and we spent most of the day swimming and relaxing in Table Rock Lake yesterday. Zoey’s had a blast because she has a playmate, her (second? third? I’m not really sure how it works…) cousin, Alexa who’s just a year or so older. And Charley has had a blast because she has mom.

While the first leg of the trip was less than relaxing since Casey and I had no idea what we were doing, today has been much better and we’re quickly learning that camping is a money pit and maybe we should have stayed home tiny living is a lot of fun.

I am, however, struggling a little bit with discipline as Zoey is going through a very whiny, very sassy, very stubborn phase (which I fear may last her entire life) and I’m not sure when to go hard or when to go home. Either there were more (electronic) distractions at home or there were just more places to hide from her, but it’s become very apparent that I have no idea what the hell I’m doing when it comes to pretty much anything, but especially mom-ing.

I get it – no one really knows what they’re doing, but some people just look like they do. For some, it’s effortless. For me, it’s a constant internal battle.

Am I being too patient? Not patient enough?

Should I put her in time-out? Spank her? Yell at her? Attempt to reason with her? Cover my ears and sing “LA LA LA LA LA” until she goes away?

And like, WHAT EVEN IS LIFE?

I know, I know; I need to give myself grace and blah blah blah – I hear this regularly – but sometimes I feel so alone! Do other people not struggle with this? Am I the only one who questions their every move? And how do I overcome the searing, white-hot rage that courses through my veins when she narrows her eyes and tells me “no?”

For now, I’m just grateful that we’re surrounded by family, all of whom are willing to help. But what do I do when it’s just us and the open road? How will I maintain the little sanity I have left?! Especially when this monster is what I have to deal with.

Life is hard, but at least we’re happy campers. Amirite?