at least

I didn’t bring my laptop with me today. I brought books instead – books and cards to pass the time. I didn’t want to write. I wanted to lose myself in games and stories, in fluff and fantasy and fun. But it’s Friday the 13th and tonight there’s a full moon, so you can probably guess what that means for the Underwoods.

It means scans didn’t go well. It means the cancer spread. It means the tumors grew. It means the chemo isn’t working. It means they’re changing everything up and trying weird things. It means the chemo drugs they wanted to try were the ones he’s allergic to. It means the chemo drugs they decided to use still caused an allergic reaction and he didn’t get to finish them.

But at least the cancer isn’t in EVERY organ. At least the new tumors are mostly small. At least his care team has some ideas. At least he made it through most of his treatment today. At least he had awesome nurses who got him through. At least he only had a 2-3 hours of chemo instead of 7.

Cancer sucks. He’s tired of constant treatment and never-ending nausea and pain. And I feel all the feelings and am helpless to fix anything. Sometimes it’s really hard to find the silver linings. But somehow we made it through today, through a storm of more bad news. We ate lunch and made jokes and we even managed to laugh about things.

And at least we still have our senses of humor. We decided that’s our new motto – at least. And at least, even on Friday the 13th when the moon is full and the news is bad, we have each other.

14 Comments

  1. Sending all the Canadian love I can give your way. My heart aches to read about your family’s struggles. Stay strong, Michelle

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  2. I am so glad that Casey is blessed with you as his wife. God bless you. God bless Casey. God bless your babies. I hope you all keep the hope and strength you both share with each other.

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  3. Everyone’s comments are exactly how I feel – all I can offer are tons of prayers and enormous love to you, dear Michelle, Casey and your beautiful babies. You are in my daily prayers and thoughts!

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