Michelle Underwood

  • sick to death

    sick to death

    I’m sick to death of cancer. Talking about it. Knowing about it. Watching people I know die slowly of it. Talking about cancer has become a cancer and sometimes it’s a struggle not to let it devour me. We’re “celebrating” cancer awareness week at school and people are dressing up each day. I make jokes Read more

  • better

    better

    For a long time, I was better. Maybe it was the counseling. Or the meds. Or the cocoon of safety my family provided me. Maybe it was the daily run in the middle of summer in Texas, when the heat lanced all feelings straight from the wound. Maybe it was the job I couldn’t wait Read more

  • grief

    grief

    Grief isn’t anything like I imagined. I imagined it would be more straight-forward, like it is in movies – your husband dies and you cry constantly and fall to pieces and hide under your covers with the shades pulled tightly closed. But it’s not like that at all – at least not for me. I Read more

  • thank you

    thank you

    I’ve never struggled this hard to find words before, but then I’ve never struggled this hard. Because you’ve all been asking, the girls and I are okay. Right now I think I’m still mostly numb, though that’s starting to wear and I feel the aching reality of losing Casey seep in more and more. Grief Read more

  • casey charles underwood

    casey charles underwood

    There are a lot of things I want to say. In fact, I’ve been writing notes to Casey every night since his last admission to the hospital. I’m struggling – struggling because I can make it through the days, because I don’t spend all of my time crying, because I still laugh, because I still Read more

  • at least

    at least

    I didn’t bring my laptop with me today. I brought books instead – books and cards to pass the time. I didn’t want to write. I wanted to lose myself in games and stories, in fluff and fantasy and fun. But it’s Friday the 13th and tonight there’s a full moon, so you can probably Read more